Wednesday, 26 June 2013

A Sip of Tea: Good Morning! :D



Gud morn'n everyone! Phew, I haven't sleep since I post update this blog last night. Annndddd that's all because of cafein in the coffee I drank last nite.
But I feel so much energized even I haven't taken rest at all. Why?
Because all nite long, I watched motivational video on youtube.com. Hahaha :D
I can't tell if it's really because of the cafein or because of those interesting video!
I found the channel a week ago and I haven't really paid attention until last night.


What are the videos about? It is about remarkable people around the world (most of them are famous people such as writers and well-known psychologists).
The event itself called TEDTalks. And they gathered in that event just to share ideas. And I have to tell you, all of the topic are so interesting!! It's hard to pick on :(. But one that drew my attention the most is the speech of Elizabeth Gilbert, the writer of Eat, Pray and Love memoirs. She is so adorable, like a genuine story-teller from ancient times, the Aesop of this era I think :')


These are the links of the video. They are very helpful in the way giving you stacks of scientific information. Please check it out! You wouldn't regret it!!
Source:

(Elizabeth Gilbert: Your Elusive Creative Genius)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=86x-u-tz0MA

(Ammy Cuddy: Your Body Language Shapes Who You Are)

Happy watching, fellas! :D

Sepele Saja


Dengan gerakan lunglai dia men-starter motornya, dan desing motor di jalan besar menghardik pikirannya yang melayang kemana-mana. Malam itu dingin, dan menggusarkan hati.

Sepanjang jalan, dahinya berkerut, matanya kelihatan sedih teringat kejadian di kelas tadi:

Sudah satu jam ujian berjalan dan tinggal setengah jam lagi sebelum jarum pendek menuju angka delapan. Tinggal satu soal lagi sebelum kertas jawaban dikumpul. Angka-angka olahan rumus statistika sudah tertera dengan mentereng dengan font super necis di atas kertas, pamer diri mereka.
Sang pengolah angka-angka tadi bertanya ke teman sebelahnya disela-sela mata pengawas ujian yang nanar melihat peserta layaknya jawaranya penari bali:

"Wen, jawaban rata-rata-nya berapa?"
"67.5"
"Hah? Coba bentar diitung dulu."

Dia kembali ke kalkulatornya dan dengan perasaan setengah berharap temannya salah, ia tergesa-gesa menghitung. Ternyata layar kalkulator nan tak tahu diri itu memang tak bernurani, memamerkan angka yang jauh berbeda dengan miliknya. Artinya: Dia harus kembali mengerjakan semua dari awal kembali. Karena kesalahan penghitungan ada di rumus awal yang menjadi pondasi rentetan rumus setelahnya.

Selebihnya, yang ia ingat cuma degupan jantung panik, kertas jawaban teman yang dicontek, mata-mata yang bingung menatapnya dan angka-angka yang diolah kembali (dicontek) dari awal.

Back to present. Matanya melihat jauh ke depan, ke jalanan malam kota Batam yang kelihatan remang (iyalah, namanya juga malem-malem). Ia akhirnya sampai di kawasan agak tinggi dan full-rujak :) . 15 gerobak dan lebih berjejer menjual rujak dari siang sampai malam larut (p.s: kalo malem, ada jagung bakarnya) berderet minta perhatian tiap calon pembeli yang lewat.

Satu piring isi jagung bakar sudah tersedia di atas meja ditambah bumbu pemandangan kota Batam yang (sialnya) tertutup pohon-pohon besar. Dia selalu seperti itu. Jika ada yang meresahkan hatinya, pasti larinya ke makanan sambil merenung sendirian. Pernah suatu hari karena sesuatu hal, sangking kesalnya, dia beli satu box es krim besar dan makan sendirian sambil mandang langit malam dari balkon kamarnya.

Setelah jagung bakarnya R.I.P, ia pergi lagi menhirup udara dingin yang lama-lama jadi terasa segar, penatnya hilang satu demi satu. Jalan-jalan dikit lagi ah. Perjalanan ke rumah diberinya durasi lebih lama dari hari-hari biasa dan ia membelokkan motornya, kembali mencari dataran yang lebih tinggi dari yang sebelumnya.

Namanya Bukit Senyum. Ibunya dulu pernah berkata begitu.
Tempat ini terkenal karena dari sana, nampak setengah kota batam menghampar jauh, lalu laut dan yang paling dicari orang: pemandangan Singapura. Ya, dari tempat ini, nampak gedung-gedung negara tetangga yang taat peraturan itu, berjejer, lanskap nan panjang, ditambahi lampu-lampu terang beratus-ratus kilometer jauhnya.

Di sana, ada sebuah tempat makan outdoor yang anehnya sepi (kosong), hanya beberapa pasang meja dan kursi kosong yang membosankan. Padahal pemandangannya bagus benget, kok sepi.
Pemiliknya datang dan iapun membuat pesanan makanan. Dia satu-satunya pengunjung di malam itu dan, lucky, katanya. Yang dibutuhkan seseorang yang sedang gusar memang kesendirian, apalagi udara dingin ditambah pemandangannya bagus. Bikin mellow. Lagu 'I wouldn't mind' dari band kesukaannya, He is We bikin hati tambah hanyut dalam sengsara romantis (hihihi).


Sang pemilik rumah makan menyuguhkan makanan kesukaannya: nasi goreng sambil curhat dadakan pada aktris kita yang lagi mellow malam ini.

"Udah sebulan ini gara-gara asep dari Pekan Baru, dagangan jadi sepi, dek."
"Oh gitu ya bu. Pantesan sepi gini. Biasanya rame kan yah di sini."
"Iya. Kemaren aja Singapura ampe ga nampak. Tak ada orang datang sini."
"Waduh. Tapi kan sekarang udah mendingan. Kemaren yang parah, sampe orang pada males mau keluar rumah."
Satu indonesia memang sekarang lagi heboh-hebohnya perkara pembakaran hutan di Pekan Baru yang bikin polusi, yang bukan hanya bikin satu kepulauan Riau resah, tapi sampai kedua negara tetangga Indonesia pada risih karena mereka juga ikutan kena.
"Iya. Ini udah agak mendingan. Tapi orang dah malas mau datang sini karna asap tu."
"Iya sih bu. Orang pada males mau keluar rumah. Orang yang dilihat asap semua."

Lalu pembicaraan mereka melantur sampai ke anak ibu pemilik angkringan, tentang tempat perjudian plus plus di daerah tersebut, tentang murahnya biaya SPP di Medan, tentang apa saja. Semua hal yang tak penting. Tapi anehnya, bisa menenangkan hati teman kita yang sedang galau ini.

"Bu, udahan dulu ya bu. Saya pulang dulu, udah malem."
"Ah, baru jam berapa juga."
"Saya takut rumah udah dikunci, bu."
"Yaudah deh.. semuanya enam belas ribu yah..."

Sepulangnya dari angkringan yang terancam bangkrut tersebut, ia kembali berpikir.
Ternyata manusia sungguh butuh teman. Karena hanya dengan berinteraksi dengan manusia lain, walau hanya membicarakan hal-hal trivial seperti itu, dapat mengembalikan manusia ke dunia nyata dan pada detik-detik yang sedang berjalan pada saat itu, sehingga manusia lebih aware dengan sekelilingnya dan yang paling penting, merasa hidup.

 Motor sudah masuk halaman rumah, gerbang dikunci, dan semua penat sudah hilang, karena bertemu orang yang tepat di saat yang tepat.

Sayang aku ga ngambil foto di Bukit Senyum tadi biar dimasukin ke blog. Tak apalah kawan. Pengalamanmu hari ini sudah cukup untuk diingat saja.

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Saturday, 22 June 2013

Messy Life: Accept and Forgive

19 and 20, are the messiest years of my life.
Everything seems out of place and dynamic changes occur in every point in that time.

It was the time
----when I metthe radical relationship with Jesus Christ,
----when I drew myself further from Him,
----when I had suiciding thoughts more than ten times in 2 months,
----when I pulled out myself from my friends and just went to built castle in the air,
----when I was confused about human existence (and my existence),
----when I had been so paranoia,
----when I thought I encounter Alzheimer's syndroms,
when everything pushed me to my limit.

Have you got your messiest year of life? How do you feel?
How you overcome it?

When family is not (fa)ther and (m)other (i) (l)ove (y)ou anymore

If everything is out of place, family will always be the shady place of the hot summer weather.
How bout my fams?

This, is not the first time I have an acute illness to drag my feet out of my parent's house.
It is not home anymore. And when you got nothing in your hand to bound you with your family except blood, than you will think to go. Even if there will be so much trouble to handle everything without help from your blood-related human beings.

Despite of what standard that runs one's family rules or what point-of-view a family takes to nuture the young members, there's one thing that we should take notice, that when we have wounds in our hearts, there's no other way that the children will not get it too. That's why we have to take the bleeding all out and put it in remedy before we hurt the loved ones (and prevent the same thing will happen to their children in the future).

I may seems like guessing but I can feel it as big as life, that my parents have their wounds from their family and it affects me. I can feel my grandma and grandpa's anger, and I can feel my parents' childhood sadness and their self-doubts. It infected me like savage virus.

The wounds here, that weaken me in my pasca-teen year need to be taken out. And I think the best way to do is to accept and forgive and then we can move on our next step forward our goals (that's why we need goal or purpose in life, so that thing will save us when we loose our way).

There's a beautiful song about forgiving that always soothe my heart in the time of need :
(it's a christian song, just listen to it eventhough you're not christian, because the song sings the truth)


A Heart That Forgives
Kevin Levar

I want a heart that forgives
A heart full of love
One with compassion just like Yours above
One that overcomes evil with goodness and love
Like it never happened, never holding a grudge

I want a heart that forgives that lives and lets live
One that keeps loving over and over again
One that men can’t offend
Because Your Word is within
One that loves without price, like You Lord Jesus Christ
I want a heart that loves everybody....even my enemies
I want to love like You, be like You, just like You did
I want a heart that forgives,

I want a heart that forgives!
When the ones that are closest, that I’ve known the longest, hurt me the most;
I still wanna love them just like You love me
Even though I’m hurting
I want a heart that forgives
When the pain is so deep, it’s so hard to speak, about it to anyone

Just like Your Son, I give up my right to hold it against them with hatred inside
I want a heart that loves everybody....even my enemies
I wanna love like You, be like You, just like You did
Wanna walk like You, talk like You, just like You did,
Wanna be like You, live like You, just like You did

'Cause the heart that forgives is the heart that will live
Totally free from the pain of the past
And the heart that lets go is the heart that will know so much freedom

Lord I wanna let it go
God I need to let it go
Lord its been holding me back
And I don't want it, I don't want it, I don't
I don't want it no more
I don’t know exactly what to do to get rid of it, but ah...

Here I am Lord Jesus, here I am ohh, here I am Lord Jesus...ohh
Lord I need You, I need You, I know this is me that You're talking to
This is me, this is me, this is me Lord, this is me
Lord I let it go, every person, every person that's ever hurt me

God I let it go
Every single hurt
God I let it go
Every single pain
God I let it go, I let it go, I let it go
Lord You can have it, Lord You can have it,
Lord You can have it, Lord You can have it,
You can have it now, You can have it now,
'Cause I don't want it no......more

This song is so true. People that hurt us the most usually are the closest one.
That makes the wounds feel even more hurting.

But if we don't try to forgive them and accept that situation, then we will not moving anywhere.
We will always get stucked by the feelings from past. Of course it needs time, just follow your pace.
For me, I can't just forgive them just like that because the hurts is real and it makes me uncomfortable. But I try to accept that I can't change people but I can change my feelings towards them (and it's from my own sake). So I let myself to face it and make my own happiness. I will not think about it anymore and I try my best to lead a lively life.

So if you have your messy day, why don't you sit for a while and think? Accept and Forgive are always the best weapon to soothe your heart.

Thursday, 6 June 2013

Green-ing Smiles

"Do you believe me if I tell you that sometimes I talk to plants and act as they will give respond?"

"Or do you believe me if I tell you that sometimes they DO give response, in their way, of course."

"By growing to be beautiful anf healthy plants, they do their best in responding my greeting every morning."

"This one is my favourite!!! The root of Cambodia."
So I took some pics.

Destination: Undecided Yet


It is a national holiday and I haven't really decided where to go when I stepped out of the front door.

"What is the first place that come into my mind when I think about where to go?" ATM centre. Hahaha :D So I go to ATM center to check if my parents have transfer some bucks for this month. Annnnnddd... they haven't!

So basically I need to go to a place where I don't need too much money so I go to Simpang Rujak or you can call it Rujak Junction if you want. This place is really unique, because there are at least 12 Rujak cart lining in one place. And all of them look alike to each other. It is so funny for me because these sellers seems like to ignore competitive skill in business. There isn't a single uniqeness of the individual cart, but it is that they all the same that makes them unique. 
"One of the incompetitive sellers."
The most loved place for today is this Rujak Junction. Because you know what? It's full of breeze and the trees around there make a shady shelter for a stopby visitor like me.

So I opened my Onion Eater novel and read some pages and I felt veeeeeeeery... relieved. Because it's so calm even it is beside a main street and so still to soothe the noisy road.

What a perfect day for reading book! But my friend then texted me and she invited me to her house. Okay, readers! Leave the pages and make a visit, please!

So I went to her house. There were some young girls chattering happily besides the terrace when I arrived. And their noises suddenly disappeared as I open my helmet. They stared at me (or my hair, maybe) for such a long time until I got into the house (I don't know what to comment, just wanna address the situation).

Then I met THEM! Yes, the brothers of woof woof! They haven't got name yet, but they are crossbread dogs, cihuahuas type. They are so adorable, in spite of scratching claws into their skin all of the time (time to wash your butt, fellas!).
"Right: Kak Adelina, Left: Me holding the woof woof."

 This two brothers are so cute and their hair color resembles cat skin motive.

I wanna have a pet too... :(
But, a big one that can be my best buddy. An 'airbud', maybe? Or a golden retiever? Or a wolf-look-like fellow? But all I have in my home is a blue betta fish (i don't know why they named it betta, are they the "betta" version or what?) or ikan cupang.

Here it is:
"Betta Version fish"


After playing with the duo, we decided to go to Batu Aji to hunt backpacks. It is a cheap secondhand market where everything is stucked just like that in there. (Do you believe that I found a pair of ice skates there for this dessert-like city?)

I don't have the picture to give you the evidence. But believe me, detective! I saw it and ask the price.

These supprisingly huge mass of weird things loaded in this market are so unique into the extent that all of them are the "rubbish" from Singaporean. So the seller got these things from the unwanted box of Singaporean and then sell it here in the most craziest prize. I don't want to use the word "rubbish" here but one of the seller told us himself that when the Singaporean make a visit there, they'll laugh and ask to them question: "Why do you sell our rubbish?" That's harsh, But that's the truth! Even I am one of their prospective buyers!

Eventhough we didn't find the backpack, I think that's okay. Considering that I had minimized my hunting area for this backpack I need to take to Thailand next month.

So, yeah! You may be a total loner in a national holiday, but you can find everything is always great if you want to see it that way. Look at how my life is not an adventerous one, but I can share it with you because I see it as something interesting. Have a nice day, reader!

-----
And a bonus for ya:
Just now, I had a chit chat with my sister and my mother. Do you believe that my mother said I was a drunker when I am 2 years old? I empty my father's Heineken bottle and "tenggen" (a slank word for drunk :D). I sang unconsciously and fell into a sleep after I finished a bottle. Hahaha :D

Being Alone: A Brief Talk About Introversion



HELLo, Folk! I take this picture at my rent cabin in KDA, 7 km away from my home. Hahaha :D I've cut my hair and some says that I'm cool, some says that I'm better in long hair. Whatever. I don't care. I'm just addressing my situation to you anyway.

Today, I will go to Kepri Mall with my friend to see a show named "Ghost Ship". The name was so cliche anyway. And I think it will be better to name it as "Haunted Ship". More common I think. I will post about it later, so stay tune here.
This show was located in Kepri Mall, Batam and it was like a scream house where they were so many people disguise as ghost and scare people. So many folks there who had already bought the ticket but they are too scareed to step into the ghost house. Wew!! I mean, it's so wasteful. Hahaha :D I feel so much excited right now. Be patience and wait for the next post, okay?

So, today, I'm gonna talk to you about introversion. What is introversion? For me, introversion is a nature of some people where they feel more comfortable being alone. And that's me! (Are you?) I feel so much comfortable by myself, sitting alone, thinking, reading, analyzing and writing. To pour out what is spinning in my head like a whirlwind, is much better than to spend so much time talking in society. Don't get me wrong. I like to talk (sometimes) to my friend, but I feel my time will be more useful if I use it to think and write. Just like now.

They said that one third of American population are introverts. I do not know about Indonesia, but I've ever heard that one of teen famous singer named Sherina Munaf and the creator of the largest Indonesian Online Community (http://www.kaskus.co.id/) are introverts. They are such famous people that are not into society but still attain great achievement.

Resource There's a video that I favor on www.youtube.com that explain about introvert from Susan Cain, an expert of introversion. It's so describing the life of introverts. And there is another good  channel, that maintain a wellness exercise program to help people which experience common emotional situation and physical changing. 

I'm happy to know that I'm not experiencing introversion  alone. Because I always feel alienated from society because I prefer being alone. But most of the time, I enjoyed it.  Talking to a friend always make me exhausted. Even is it's just for a moment. I have fun, but I'm exhausted.

Are you an introvert?
This is a common situation of introverts from http://psychology.about.com:

  • Very self-aware
  • Thoughtful
  • Enjoys understanding details
  • Interested in self-knowledge and self-understanding
  • Tends to keep emotions private
  • Quiet and reserved in large groups or around unfamiliar people
  • More sociable and gregarious around people they know well
  • Learns well through observation

Look at the second paragraph of this page where I tell you I will hang out with my friend, and you'll find that it contrasts to the major society perception of introversion. Do introversion always draw himself/herself from society? Not always. Sometimes they want to switch on the society button in their days and step into activity where they have to interact with so many people. Even after that, they will almost likely to feel exhausted and need to recharge their energy.

It doesn't matter if you're an introvert or an extrovert. What that matters is how you see the world and trying to enjoy every moment here in our earth. If you feel more comfortable being alone, why not? Don't try to be somebody else. Just stick to what you love. Society sometimes pushes you to your limit, but you can dim their voice by drawing off from them and have a grasp of cool air!

That's it! It will end this post for today. Cheers!!

(If you want to take a personality test to know wheter you're introvert or extrovert, just take this test:  Intro to Myers-Briggs Personality Test , If you want to take an intro about Introversion, hit this link: Susan Cain- Power of Introvert)


CRAMPY PAPER OF DREAM

"A self-potrait motivational poster in my bedroom wall. "


"What are your dreams? What is the shape of your dream? Is it you or other people that you see in your dream? Why are you here? What's the constraint of your life? What is your final destination?"

As I laid down my head, the echoes of live music concert of an unknown juvenille's band that is held besides my rent house, filled my room. The unstable notes jump from one corner to another. With a huge pride, showing off their's youth life.
                "I am no better even when I am outside of my home. I think I can gain freedom. But it's like chasing the wind." I was so sured back then when I left my home to rent a room near my workplace. I think I can do whatever I want and feel free. And it was all lie, as in this crampy room, I can see clearly, it is not the house of my parents that locked me in, but my thought, the only culprit of this non-sense life I live. Going anywhere, can't freed you, when the one which is jailed isn't your body, but your thought.
                Looking at other people's life is breath-taking. I can see how weak a human's soul can be. By a simple threatening, they can be withered, like a petal slowly fall to the ground. Just like me.
                I know there's something wrong on me. I do not know why I come up with this idea, I just know. That's slowly in my heart, there's big monster of mud that is slightly day by day, becomes bigger and bigger, until it devours me one day. Human are weak. It has not always be external things that influence their lives, simply by thinking, they can be slipped away and end up at a place they never thought before.
                My neighbors are chatting now. The wall is so thin that it doesn't block any single wave of their voices. Behind this door, I imagine how these human interact each others so comfortably and naturally. How their lives seems so easy for them. To be like them is one of my dreams. Sounds desperate for some people, but yeah that's the truth.
                I maybe seemed so easy going person in the eyes of my friends. But that's not the truth, life is always hard on and for me. I can never be truly happy. It's such a long day I guess since the day I smile honestly to myself and others. Back in my childhood days.
                Being adults is somehow depressing. As you are more aware of the things around you, the more the chance of bad thought will come to swallow you up. I hate myself for being so reckless, clumsy and boring. People at such a young age will go somewhere to have fun with their friends and chasing boys maybe. But, I am not like that. What's wrong with me?
                A comb, a snack, a glue, and a laptop. How random the things on my table are. It's like my heart. Everything that comes out is always random.