Train of thoughts: What the heck was I thinking?

can't sleep. thought something.

sometimes you just can't fathom
everything that had happened around you.
and the only thing you can deal with it,
is to let it go. like it's not a real problem.

whenever I think about this kind of thing,
I just kinda feel lonely.
but i'll accept that not everything in this world
is meant to be understood by lack-of-knowledge
creature like human. you just have to accept.

it's fine to be have principles.
at least you know that you're a lil' better
than some people that just wandering around
making joke on theirselves and their lives,
because you have something that they don't have:
something you believed as purpose.
but i doubt the purity of that type of life.
for your action probably has an ulterior motive in it.
to find what is right by holding some belief rather than 'go with the flow',
has the high probability that you want to make yourself right.
And I don't think that self-justify action will lead
you to your satisfaction of being "right"-er than other people.

but I can be wrong by other people's telescopes. I don't know.
It's just me with my thinking. I can't make other people
agree with me, for it's only myself that somehow
has a little bit control of my thoghts.
if there are some people that turn out to be agree with me,
it's just because they let themselves to agree with me,
therefore, I still have no control on their desires,
for they set their action on their own, not me.

anyway, i just want to see things more 'objectively'.
because most of things that surround
and haunt me all of my life are biased thoughts
that were derived from external subject.
i don't mean to say that they controlled my thoughts,
but I just let my guard down and gave myself
to be controlled by other people's thoughts.
i failed to be objective.
i know we can't one hundred percent be objective,
because the only thing that you can belief is your existence,
therefore, you will see everything based on your sight,
and make things subjectively valued by you.
but we do know clearly that we can filter
things we received, importantly abstract thing such as
thoughts, for i belief we have conscious as our heritage
from our anchestor. Be myself-subjective will be better
replacing 'objective' word.

whoaa... bedtime. already sleepy thinking of 'deep' things like this.